21 December 2006

2006 is soon coming to an end, let's await for new 2007 to come and hope for better things to happen.

yesterday started my job as programmer, not in a new company, just added more things to me. but i will take the opportunity to learn and see if i can make it as a programmer. was told to learn as much as possible within 2 weeks and go on solo. need to learn a lot but only nick is actively teaching me although his attitude was not so good yesterday. he said how come i cannot remember things when we already discussed and went through the program. haiz... i think my memory not so good as stated before, wonder if i can make it. there's another colleague also learning to be programmer but he don't seems to be learning at all.

yesterday some contractors came and removed most office tables, chairs and partitions. do not have an idea why and where it is moved to but heard moving to new office next year march. do not like the new office location but no choice if i want to stay in this trade.

these few days raining a lot, so sian to ride bike in the rain but some of us might feel this hitting them harder like those despatch, delivery, salesman, etc. and since i am programmer-to-be, i might not have to go onboard anymore. but my dear will suffer because the phone rang a few times yesterday and disturbed her sleep. no perfect job in this world, just have to think of ways to reduce the job discomfort.

since it was raining so badly, some florists along thomson road were affected. i ordered flowers for my dear from this particular company because christmas is coming, wanted to give a surprise to her. but just received a call yesterday saying that they are one of those who got affected by the heavy rainfall. so told me either refund or change date. i asked for refund and order flowers from another company, luckily managed to make it in time to send to my dear.

yesterday noticed COE dropped price. called xavier during lunchtime and asked him the price of kelissa now. he said super cheap if i buy weekend car, only $15000+ and monthly $170+ for 10 years. cheaper than some bikes and am considering...

so many things happened these 2 days.

15 December 2006

today i was told that i will learn to be a programmer and together with robin, we will take on the challenge. did not expect both of us will be programmer together, was expecting that only i was selected. but i think this arrangement is better, at least robin will not feel left out if only i was chosen. i also felt lucky that i was not left out, deep in me, i was not confident that i was selected. lack of confidence? you can say that.

on last monday, went to a company to interview for a financial advisor job. recommended by my friend, i spoke to his managers. both the managers are nice guy and they knew me because we met before at their previous company. after some questions, they told me 2 findings about me:
1. i do not know what i want, there's no motivation.
2. i am lack of confidence.

i told them they were right and i have little control of what is happening to me. these are the most difficult days of my life, i am making important decisions that might affect my future if i step a wrong move. that's why i had to consider every factor, many do not understand, i do not know who to tell and confide to. i feel stressed like a child without aim, without future, without thoughts, without soul.

but since my manager wanted me to learn to be a programmer, i will do my best to learn and see if this road is for me. i am now more willing to give up my dreams and learn something that can generate more income for the family.

my friend, nick is quiting from the company, most likely this is the reason why we were selected to be programmers.

called an ex-colleague and shared with him this good news. but seems like i should not have called him. after talking about my situation, he told me i looked weird when i stood behind him during the wedding dinner yesterday. and the girl beside him also seems freak out, i did not do anything, just stand behind for a while and they thinks i looked weird? fine with me if this is what he thinks of me. that's no reason why i stood behind, maybe just wanted to looked more sociable and join in the conversation.

enough of this nonsense, hoping for a better tomorrow.

06 December 2006 - Boring

no money for this christmas, so sian. how i wish i can be earning much more than now and so i can afford more things for my dear to buy clothes, go holidays, etc. when will i not worry about money? when can i let my dear stop working? when can i afford to buy a car to bring my family around? when can i help my in-laws to be financially stable and my bro-in-law to further studies after his poly? how can i help my mother to be free from father?

all the above needs money so as to be accomplished. got a few concerned friends are helping me find a better job but what is a better job to me? should i follow my dreams and find an IT job or just work for money and forget about dreams? if i do not know what i want, how do i know what job to find? i am always so flicker-minded, i think i never going to achieve what i want. i been looking for a wide varieties of jobs, from returning back to my previous employer to a job onboard cruise for a few months. and even work as car agent or financial advisor. but all do not seems to be an ideal job for me, after all, IT is my favourite area.

haiz... feel so hopeless and helpless.

01 December 2006

Christmas is around the corner but i am afraid mood is not right to celebrate. too many things happening around and seems like there's not much controls over it. last time i always think we can control over life but things happened recently that makes me think other wise. the road in front of me seems more and more dark, i am not sure where am i going. i want to find my own self, can anyone tell me how?

feeling down mostly because my dear's health is not that good recently. i think it's not convenient to spell it out but praying very hard that everything will be fine. life is so vulnerable.

i wonder when my luck will change to better, maybe it's really time to go fortune telling and find out in advance. i really need someone to guide me through this dark period of my life. feeling so helpless and lifeless. fortunately, my dear is by my side during these days, i really grow more and more attached to her, cannot imagine the days without her.

22 November 2006 - Sian

today morning got a meeting but i was not involved. before the meeting, heard that it's going to be a scolding session. and true enough, the operation manager and programmers got scolding from boss and marketing manager. and out of surprise, my name was mentioned in the meeting. the marketing manager complained that i was doing nothing and it is true. i really got nothing much to do, my main job is to do spot checks on barges but now only left with 1 barge to check with 2 checkers. i do not know what's wrong with their brains, last time got 9 barges to check and so busy but no one said we busy, good work. now left with 1 barge, of course nothing to do and sit around office do nothing. i think next time got to go check everyday and waste time onboard.

when i was complaining to my dear on msn, realised she got scolding from agents n colleague due to some mistakes NOT MADE by her. she felt so sad and i felt sad for her too. these FUCKERS think they can push people around, wait till we climb higher or earn more than them, then i shall make them pay for bullying my dear. everyone is just making a living and working for others, so why make life difficult for us?

but a happy news today, I completed the part 1 of Fireworks self-learning program, still got a long way to go to complete all the programs but i am 1 step closer. it's hard to set aside time to self-study because i cannot do it openly in office and i got little time at home to do so. but i am sure, with perseverence, i WILL SUCCEED!

btw, today my mother came to our house and cook for us. but when we were chatting after dinner, i think i asked a wrong question, "when father coming back?" that trigger her anger and started talking bad things about father. then she told me my grandmother died partly because of my father. my mother wanted grandmother to stay with them but due to some reason, she did not fetch her over. this is the part which i do not understand what mother said, but anyway, she was angry with father. if my mother could fetch my grandmother over, then tragic will not happened. and my mother told me she was angry with my father that she do not want to visit my other grandmother. i was surprised to hear this and i thought mother was too busy to visit her.

10 November 2006 - Spiderman 3

i am going to watch spiderman 3. been a fan of spiderman for years, really glad that the producers decide to make it into a movie and took it to part 3. i wonder if there will be part 4 and so on. here's the trailer and i think you will like spiderman 3 as much as i do.

05 November 2006 - Mother Birthday

tonite we had dinner with mother, brother and serene (bro's gf). we went to hougang mall to eat at the Soup Restaurant or whatever it's called. we got 5 n a half person but ordered a 4 person package. btw that half person is our gal. quite full although it's only for 4 person and mother bought a cup of ice-cream for our gal to eat. she is really treating our gal very well, even gave her $10 when we were going home. it was really nice to have dinner together but someone is missing, my father. i wonder if our gal is remember how he looks like. my father is always busy "working" overseas and neglects the family and my mother. but i was quite disappointed with myself too because when i looked at mother, she seems quite lonely due to the fact that we moved too far away from her. come to think of it, if given a choice, i think we would want to choose to take up new flats at Farrer Park. it's nearer to our workplace, to mother's house, to grandma's house and most importantly, near to MRT station.

initially we did not buy anything for mother but dear insisted. so she walked away pretending to withdraw money and bought a bag for her. mother also bought something for our gal, as usual and our gal was delighted.

04 November 2006 - LOST

today wanted to borrow some books at the library for myself and for my gal. happily, she searched and took the books, getting ready to scan the books but then i realisd i do not have my ic with me. i think back and realised that i did not collect it back after the pool game on thursday. then sadly, my gal put back her books and walked out of the library. we took a cab home and i immediately sped down to the pool shop and search for my ic. sure enough, my ic was there and together there were some other ic there kept nicely. seems like i am not the only blur one. my dear told me i got to much things to think of, so always forget things recently.

i wonder how much memories one brain can hold. can we upgrade our memories to higher capacity like a phone or camera?

02 November 2006

met up with some good friends tonight for pool session at ang mo kio. when we reached ang mo kio, it was about 10pm which was not what we expected to meet. anyway, we start off immediately and played all the way until about 12.15am. xavier was the winner for the night, almost won all the matches and i think i did not win any. i am a bad player in all ball games like basketball, soccer and even pool. but i prefer pool over other ball games.

we told xavier to go home first ask he lives further. me and bren had the last game after xavier left and went home too. then had a chit-chat for a while before he return home too.

reached home, my dear still working on her project, so sat down with her and work till about 1.30am.

tired...

01 November 2006

recently playing a new game, 2142 Battlefield. it's really nice but too little maps, hoping more maps will come out soon. my computer can barely support this game so when too many players crowd one place, it will be slightly lag. and I also saw another game that day at Sim Lim Square, Assassin's Creed, waiting for the release soon.

i found this on Yahoo! website, quite interesting.

31 October 2006 - New Layout and Design

did you notice the layout and design different? i upgraded it to newer version and changed the layout. i think the new version is nicer and some features are better. still looking for some nice templates to replace these dull ones.

today morning, while going to office, nearly met with an accident twice within 10 secs on PIE. the first time, the stupid lorry cuts into my lane suddenly, it was close to me, but luckily did not hit me. then while i was still in shock, another lorry in front performed an E-brake and the lorry skidded. i responsed in time by turning my bike away. if i were closer and going a bit faster, i would not be here typing my blog. it's always so dangerous on the road and it is a blessing to reach home or office in one piece everyday.

my wife ever asked if i would allow our gal to ride bike when she grows up to appropriate age. i replied that i will forbid her from riding or even learning bike, but she insists, i have not choice. i do not want a situation when she hates me for forbidding this and that, in the end, she stop talking to me and i starting drifting away from her.

it is quite difficult nowadays to teach the younger ones, they are thinking differently from us and i do not blame her because i was once young too. we might find our young ones irritating and troublesome, like wise, our young ones will think that we are irritating and troublesome. there's always a gap between children and parents but we as parents must make sure this gap is not too big.

little thoughts for today and am glad i took some time to update my blog today.

30 October 2006 - Inspired

yesterday, channel 8 talks about a 26 years old young guy who graduated from SMU with a degree, did not follow what the others are going. the others which include his classmates, are following one another, having the same mindset which is to go through proper education and securing a proper and stable job.

he started a cake business with a partner and it all started with a simple birthday cake for his friend. he searched the net for recipes to bake an oreo cheese cake. with all the different recipes available online, he combined the recipes and create his own version of oreo chesse cake. the taste of his very first cake turns out to be good and it lights up his passion for cake baking.

soon he started trying different cakes and took orders from relatives and friends for christmas cakes. he claims to have taken in 30+ orders for that year's christmas which made him a busy man that festive season.

his business soon grow from 1 branch to 2 branches. within 2 years of operations. after watching this show, it really inspire me and pushed me forward because i really envy what he can do and what i cannot. i wanted to do some business and i have something in mind, just that now is the time to equip myself with the skills for the business.

hope by next year, i can be writing how my business is working out.

20 October 2006

today is friday and i took half day leave to meet someone from propnex. i wanted to meet him earlier, i wanted to chat with him more, i wanted him to help me. my wife said, he might be able to solve my problems and my worries.
his name is lim yong hock and he is a training & recruitment director. he is none other than my wife's boss.
i had wanted to join propnex as a fulltime agent. main motive is to earn more money. who do not love to have more money, but the problem is, are you capable to earn that money or are you just so weak that you can only work for others?
being able to earn what you deserve is really good but that also means if you do not work hard, no income. sounds fair, but not to those who do not work hard.
i must admit sometimes i am lazy but could it be my nature self or could it be my job nature that does not interest me. i usually liked a little pushing on the back to keep me going. and will i remain this way even when i am a property agent?
it's not easy to motivate oneself to go forward and work towards the goal. i always hear people saying that they are very determine to work hard and thus achieve the current status. but i believe, deep down, not all but most, do not have the determination to push themselves forward. some are just being lucky than the others. some worked extremely hard, earning just mere $500 per month, some merely talk and easily earn more than $10000 per month. when can i ever earn this amount of money? when can i obtain the abilities to achieve such high standards?
i always ask myself; am i lucky or am i unlucky?

14 October 2006 - Click

Just finished watching a movie "Click". It's a very nice show as what my friends and some website stated.

It talks about a workaholic architect, who has been overlooking his family in favor of his career, comes across a universal remote that allows him to perform TiVo-like functions on his life, such as pausing events or fast-forwarding over them. When the remote begins creating its own memory and choosing what to fast-forward over, the man sees how much of his personal life has passed him by and realizes the importance of spending more time with his family.

It is a very funny and touching story especially the part when his life passes by so quickly that he missed the growing of his children. He dislike his parents coming to his house for dinner and chooses to fast forward the part. And when he fast forward too much to 16 years later, many things happened like:
1. his father died naturally
2. his wife remarried to another guy
3. his son and daughter grew up
4. his son got married
5. his dog died but got another small dog which he does not like

and the worst part is, he cannot get rid of the remote as he wish. Near to the end, he died of heart attack but before he died, he wanted to tell his son that, nothing is more important than family.

Luckily, that was not the end. Eventually he went back to the past and he could start all over again. This changed his life and attitude. He cherished his family more than ever. Great show! Must buy and must watch.

07 October 2006 - First youtube video

This is the first time I upload a video on youtube.com but unfortunately or rather fortunately, it's not a video of myself. It's a video of our gal playing keyboard. I hope it works.

20 September 2006

Yesterday, I updated my resume at JobsDB and within 30 minutes, I received a call from someone asking if I want a job. Immediately I took a pen n paper and walked out of the office. I wanted to find out more and she too wanted to find out more about my previous job experience. Before the conversation was ended, she told me the workplace would be at SGH, working hours 9am to 6pm(5 days work week) and salary is merely $1650 with additional $50 for handphone bill. It was way too low from my current pay. So I told her I want to consider.

It is a good opportunity for me to step into the IT industry but the salary was way too low. I have to think carefully. Haiz...

14 September 2006

Today is Thursday and I just added a new item to my blog. Did you see it? It's just a few centimetres below the title. It's an anniversary counter, it shows we are 7 months, 1 week and 4 days away from our next anniversary.

Just now bought some apples and tomatoes from Cold Storage, tonight going to grind some healthy fruit juice for my dear dear. Recently, my dear dear very stress, so hopefully can make some juices for her to relieve her stress.

02 September 2006

Today is Saturday and I bought a 2 new things; 1 1GB Aigo mp3 player for my gal and 1 2nd Sony Ericsson K750i. I sold away my Nokia 3230 for $220 and am going to buy the K750i at $250 from a friend. This friend is upgrading to Sony Ericsson K800i. Finally going to change to my dream phone. :)
The new mp3 for my gal costs only $49 for 1GB disk space. It's consider quite cheap as compared to my wife's Creative mp3. Hers costs more than $100 for a 512MB disk space. But then again, hers is a branded one while my gal's one is not so. Just hope it's a reliable mp3. I think my gal likes it a lot.
We went to Comex with Bren, it was crowded as usual. We only took less than 1 hour to finish shopping. Bren did not like the crowd while I think it's normally if one wants to find some good bargains. Afterall, it's not everyday we got so big crowd.
Still waiting patiently for my SE K750i, latest should reach my hands by Monday.
Going to bath now and try out the new mp3.

31 August 2006

Today is Thursday and I know it's been long since I last blog... :)

My dear wife wants me to blog again, so I guess I had to take sometime off to update.

Today is also the start of Comex 2006, the so called BIGGEST IT and Electronics Fair. I am supposed to go with my friend on Saturday afternoon. Being the biggest IT Exhibition, it had to held at Expo which is a little out of the way. Although there's a lot of carparks there, it is still not enough for the big or shall I say, enormous crowd. Some of the things I want to look out for are:
1. Batteries or charger whichever is spoilt
2. IT Courses like Web Design or CCNA or MCSE (dun noe wat is it? GO GOOGLE FOR IT LAH!)
3. SD Card for my panasonic camera because now it's so dirt cheap (dun believe? GO EXPO N LOOK 4 URSELF!)

I been thinking what I want to do in future to earn more money, took me really some time to decide. Now my decision is to concentrade on my IT area. Learn as much as possible, so that my value increases. Find a fulltime IT job while joining my friend to do some IT Freelance. That is why I want to look for courses at the Comex. BUT eventually I might self study in order to save money. A web designing course could cost about $500 and CCNA could costs as cheap as $500 or as much as $3000 depending which school to go to.

In fact, I promised myself not to spend too much time unnecessarily and spend valuable time on studying. Need a lot to catch if I want to join my friend in the IT business. So I guess I shall end here and work hard for our future.

15 August 2006

Recently, there are 5 fireworks events in the city area, my wife and my gal likes fireworks a lot so I had to bring them to see at least 1 show. We missed the very first show which is on 5th Aug, then the second show on 9th Aug, Singapore National Day. So there was only left with 2 more shows, on the 11th and 12th Aug. Incidentally, I took leave on 11th Aug to go to Canberra Pri Sch, my gal's future Pri Sch. There was a balloting going on that day at Canberra Pri Sch and I took leave to witness the balloting. Lucky enough, my gal managed to got into this school. I was definitely happy, at least we do not need to worry anymore, for the time being. At the same time, I felt sad for those who did not got in. Why can't they open more vacancies to cater to all applicants, then everyone will be happy.

I think that day was really our lucky day because we managed to view the fireworks that night. The view was not very fantasic because we far away and we waited at the wrong place. When it was 9pm, most people who were sitting down waiting for the fireworks to appear in front of them, immediately stood up and rush to another place because the fireworks did not appear where they predicted to be. BUT still, we enjoyed ourselves. This is not the end of it. The next day, my wife got to attend her company retreat, so she was out since 8am. I took my gal to her music class at Yahama Music School at 3pm, then went to my colleague's house to service his computer for free. Luckily there was nothing much to service. By 6.30pm, we left the house and headed to Esplanade to view another fireworks. Crowds were even more than the day before. We went to different places to check if there's any parking lots left. We searched for 20 mins but still cannot find a place to park. Just then, we received a call from a colleague who asked if we want to go onboard and view the fireworks. We agreed immediately but then feared that my gal cannot go onboard because she did not bring her passport. We told that colleague our concern and off he went to ask around.

Soon we reached Marina South Pier still uncertain whether can my gal go onboard or not. About 30 mins before the show, we were told that my gal got no problem boarding the launch. So off we went and waited for the fireworks to go off at 9pm. We were all excited because this is the first time I view fireworks onboard. The same launch but it was a different feeling this time when I was onboard. After the fireworks, we went for supper at Zion road. After supper, we all went home and sleep... Tired day but a happy day.



Wanted to upload the video clip of the fireworks but www.youtube.com seems to have some problems now. So will try again later...


Tonite, I made a mistake, yet again. I really regretted doing it. I scolded my gal for misbehaving. She keeps asking for her mummy and even cried when she realised her mummy still not home at this hour(10.30pm). Initially I scolded her because I think that she always asked for her mummy. I told her mummy have to work so as to help support the financial needs. Then I also scolded her because she could not memorize her spelling properly.
But then when I think back, I realised I asked too much of her. She must have missed her mummy badly but I still blamed her and scolded her. And I should not scold her for not memorizing her spelling because this time, there were more words to memorize than before.
But it's too late, I already scolded her, I just hope she can forget about it tomorrow morning and I shall promise to treat her even better.
SORRY, RACHEL :(